The Greatest Prank Ever Played
by Teufel1987
Summary: Who was the greatest prankster of all time in Hogwarts? Was it Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers? Or perhaps the ever innovative and brilliant Weasley twins? Maybe it is the next generation who have both Weasley and Marauder blood running through their veins. It certainly cannot be Harry Potter!


**Well, this is a little something I thought of recently and just had to write.**

**It is set after the epilogue with a few small differences:**

**1. Sirius Black is alive (that bit is explained in the story - I really hate the thought of him dead!)**

**2. Fred Weasley is alive (another person who I hate being dead)**

**and**

**3. There is _no_ Albus Severus Potter. I really hate that name.**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Thirty eight year old Harry Potter woke up to the sound of birds outside his bedroom window with a smile. The combination of a good night's sleep, coupled with what promised to be a beautiful day made him feel bright and jolly. He had developed an aversion to Mondays in the recent years, and generally dreaded Monday mornings. But today, he couldn't help but feel buoyed.<p>

Putting on his clothes, he went outside for a run like always. Ever since he had joined the Aurors, he was forced to keep a strict and rigorous exercise regimen. And it was this regimen that he kept following with the same amount of zeal. After all, it wouldn't do to have the Head of the Auror force out of shape.

Setting off at a comfortable pace (that had he was proud to say had many of the younger recruits panting) Harry admired the scenery as he ran around the vast grounds of his manor.

Formerly owned by the Lestranges, this house had come into his possession on his eighteenth birthday as one of the many gifts given by a very grateful government for his role in ending the terror that was Voldemort. The last three of the Lestranges may have been quite evil, but no one could deny that they knew how to design a home! It also leant a certain irony to the fact that Harry's onetime enemies were now the reason for his current comforts. On this day, with the grass looking so vibrant and fresh, and the skies a deep blue, the house looked more striking than normal.

Whistling a merry tune, Harry walked into the house for his bath. Still whistling, he got ready for the day and settled down to have breakfast, chirping out a cheery "good morning" to an equally cheerful House-Elf and his not-so-cheerful wife.

'Good morning yourself,' Ginny Potter said with a grunt, as she sleepily sipped at her mug of tea.

Opening the paper, Harry smiled to himself. Ginny never was a morning person, no matter how much sleep she got the night before. Leafing through the pages of the Prophet, he started reading the sports section.

'Nice article, dear,' he finally said approvingly.

He got a grunt and smile in reply. Smiling himself, he turned back to the first page.

As he read through what promised to be an interesting article, Harry thought idly that the house was blissfully quiet. His two sons had gone off to Hogwarts last Saturday and his daughter was asleep in her room.

One could not fault him for not seeing the regal owl making its way towards the house through the open window, engrossed as he was by the newspaper. After all, while legendary Auror Alastor Moody loved to preach "constant vigilance" it did not mean that _every_ Auror followed that same tenant.

One also could not fault him for not hearing the bird make its way inside and settle down in front of Ginny, as owl wings were designed to ensure that even the overly sensitive ears of mice did not pick up on the sound of death approaching.

And so, it was because of this that Harry's peaceful and idyllic Monday morning died a very explosive death with his wife yelling at the top of her lungs.

'LOOK WHAT YOUR SONS DID!'

Startled, Harry acted on instinct. He may not be a disciple of Moody's Creed, but he was still Harry Potter. And his lightning quick reflexes were so good that it had Professional Quidditch Managers incredibly sad that he had no intention of considering a career in the sport. His wand was pointed in the direction of his wife and a stunning spell was out of its tip before (he noted proudly) the pages of his discarded newspaper had hit the floor.

Harry's brain took some time to figure out what his body had done. With dawning horror, he realised that his spell had hit her right between her eyes. For the first time in his life, he cursed his reflexes and pinpoint accuracy.

Now he would have to revive her … that was definitely not something he wanted to do.

'Tally!'

'Yes, master?' the House-Elf said as it popped next to him.

'Revive my wife, will you?' saying that, he plucked the letter from his wife's slack grip and hastily Disapparated, reappearing in the Ministry.

Moving quickly through the building, he barricaded himself in his office, telling his secretary that he did not want to be disturbed under any circumstances.

Settling in his desk, he slowly relaxed. Nine hours was a long time. Hopefully, she would have cooled down by then…

Slowly, he opened the letter that had caused this debacle in the first place.

As his eyes skimmed through the letter, he realised with a sinking feeling why he wasn't supposed to like this day. For this was the first Monday after term started.

* * *

><p>'I <em>CAN-NOT<em> BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING SO THOUGHTLESS AND INCONSIDERATE!'

James Harry Potter stood next to his younger brother Albert "Bertie" Sirius Potter in the expansive living room of his home. He, like his brother and cousin, Rose Weasley, were looking steadily at their feet.

It was the first weekend of school and they had been sent home because of a special request made by his mum, who was currently ranting in front of them. Rose's mum, Aunt Hermione, was sitting in one of the sofas and giving the three of them _very _disapproving looks.

Quite frankly, James did not know why they had to go through this indignity.

'FEEDING A POOR, INNOCENT, CAT _ALCOHOL_!'

Oh, wait, that was why. _Still_, a small voice in his head said. _It wasn't just _any _cat._

'AND I DON'T CARE IF IT IS FILCH'S CAT. FROM WHAT PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL TOLD ME, THE POOR THING WAS TOTTERING AROUND FOR HALF AN HOUR BEFORE IT WAS TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL WING!'

James chanced a quick glance at his surroundings as his mother went on about how "poor Mrs Norris had a massive hangover and was an innocent animal that did not know what was happening to her". While the three of them were no strangers to this situation and had seen his mother shout coupled with Aunt Hermione's silent disapproval, it still irked him to see Lily's and Hugo's smug little grins.

He shot them a deadly look through the corner of his eyes. _Just wait till _you_ screw up,_ he thought viciously.

Then he caught his father's eye. He couldn't help the involuntary shudder that ran down his spine.

* * *

><p>Harry Potter was staring at his sons the way a cobra looks at his prey.<p>

'Planning on taking another Pot Shot, Potter,' Sirius Black whispered in his ear unheard by everyone in the room.

Harry's gaze did not waver, save for a minuscule twitch in his right eye. Word had got around fast about how he had stunned his wife, causing his underlings to call him "Pot Shot Potter". He did not know who spread that story, but if and when he finds out … they were going to be in deep trouble.

It had taken three days for Ginny to forgive him.

A quiet snort on his left told him that Ron had heard that comment.

Oh yes, _very deep_ trouble.

'Not now, Sirius,' Harry said in a low voice.

'Or what,' the man whispered challengingly. 'Gonna take pot-shots at your old godfather now?'

'No,' Harry said with a vicious smirk. 'I'll just transfigure all the blinds in your house to _drapery_.'

'You wouldn't,' Sirius' mien suddenly turned horrified.

'_Permanently,_' Harry added. Sirius had developed a phobia of black curtains ever since Harry's fifth year when he was nearly pushed through The Veil in the Death Chamber of the Department of Mysteries. Thankfully, Harry had the foresight to cast a Summoning Charm. Not that it helped much, as it sent him careening into a stray spell that did not mix very well with the spell Bellatrix cast on him, leading to a two year-long coma.

Still better than dead, though.

Looking at his godfather's face (who was _still_ single after all these years) Harry felt a bit guilty. But then he consoled himself. All's fair in love and war.

'… AND YOU HAVE TO DRAG IN YOUR YOUNGER BROTHER INTO THIS MESS AS WELL! NOT THAT YOU ARE ANY LESS INNOCENT, SO YOU BETTER WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE, ALBERT!' Taking a deep breath, Ginny asked the one question that she was building up to. 'So,' she continued in a normal voice, 'Where did you get the alcohol from?'

Just then, James' left ear twitched, and Albert's eyes shifted ever so slightly. That sent Harry's Auror Senses tingling.

Now, Harry would be the first to admit that he wasn't the most intelligent of people. He was certainly no walking encyclopaedia like his dear friend Hermione. But that didn't mean he was stupid. Looking at the people in the room, he made one of his instinctive leaps of logic that many times left even Hermione in the dust.

'Ginny,' he said softly, interrupting his wife in the middle of her stare-off. 'Let me handle this…'

Fixing his best "I am an Auror and you are in trouble" look, Harry ushered the children up to his study.

It was time to show his boys just how good their father is at his job…

* * *

><p>'Weasley's Wizard Wheezes' Harry pronounced as he sat down across his wife and Hermione with an air of accomplishment. It had taken him all of ten minutes to get down to the root of the problem. It would have taken him much sooner, but it seemed that his eldest son had anticipated that Albert would crack easily under interrogation and had tried to coach his younger brother in resisting any pressure. It was too bad that James wasn't as good as he thought he was.<p>

'I'm sorry?' Hermione said politely as Ginny narrowed her eyes.

'Fred and George were their source,' Harry said. Deciding to elaborate further, he continued. 'Apparently they have given those miscreants a new line of sweets that they call,' he consulted his notes, '"Drunken Dalliances".'

Seeing the looks of incredulity on their faces, he coughed. 'I am to understand that the name is a work in progress. Anyway, the gist is that your dear twin brothers, Ginny, and my loving godfather have decided to uh, challenge our darling offspring into being the greatest pranksters Hogwarts has ever seen. I have a feeling that they are planning on making a profit out of this too by supplying products to the kids.'

Both women seemed to swell as they digested this news.

'Why I never…' Hermione spluttered.

'This is going too far,' Ginny said grimly. Suddenly she stood up. 'I am going to have a word with them.'

'I'm going to join you.' Hermione said primly.

Without a backwards glance, the two witches left the room with determined strides.

'And I am just going to sit here then,' Harry said to nobody. He snorted. He would have loved to accompany the women just to see them verbally flaying those three. Unfortunately, someone had to watch those little hellions and make sure that they don't blow up the house.

Days passed by after the incident. The twins and Sirius were subdued for a while before regaining their equilibrium. Ginny and Hermione also forgave the men (Harry had earned Ginny's forgiveness for his little stunt in cursing her by getting to the bottom of the matter) and things returned to normal.

Days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. About a year and a half later, Harry finally forgot about it. After all, aside from the regular expected mail, the school had been quite quiet.

In fact, Harry would have been blissfully ignorant till the end of his sons' careers in school if he hadn't run into Minerva McGonagall one December morning in Hogsmeade.

'Professor,' Harry said with a broad grin as he spotted the old witch enter the Three Broomsticks. He had decided to utilise his Saturday to go Christmas shopping for his family. The kids would be arriving home the next day, in fact.

'Ah, Potter,' Hogwarts' headmistress said briskly as she made her way towards him, her steps as sure as ever.

It was a mark of how much she frequented the place that there was a glass of Gillywater supplied by one of the young men working there moments after she had sat down.

Harry looked at his old transfiguration teacher. The years had been kind to the battle-axe and aside from a few grey hairs, and a line here and there, she was the same as ever. The majority of her hair was still dark, and her face was still as stern.

'So, how are things at school?' Harry said with a pleasant expression.

As his old teacher opened her mouth to reply, Harry wondered why his Auror Senses had started tingling…

* * *

><p>Albert Potter was walking with his friends towards the Three Broomsticks, looking forward to the hot butterbeer the place was famous for. It was the last Hogsmeade weekend before the winter holidays started and the day was exceptionally cold.<p>

'Hey, 'Bert,' one of his friends yelled, struggling to be heard over the wind and the snow. 'Isn't that your dad?'

Albert squinted in the pointed direction. The figure stepping outside the pub could only be his father. Excited at meeting him, he hurried forward, intent on greeting his dad, and maybe scoring a free meal at the pub. His allowance would definitely appreciate that.

But he soon stopped short when he realised who his father was talking to.

'Isn't that the old beak?' The same friend said curiously. 'Wonder what they are talking about…'

But Albert knew all too well what, or rather who they were talking about when his father looked up and spotted him. The piercing look sent a chill up his spine that had nothing to do with the weather outside.

'Bertie!' Harry called out, giving his son no choice but to come over. He looked over at the gaggle of third years with his son. He knew that the four boys that were staring at him starry eyed were Albert's friends. 'Would you boys care for lunch? I was just about to start myself…'

Chuckling at the enthusiastic response he got from the kids, Harry stood aside to let them through, his son being the last in. As the boy was about to enter, Harry caught the kid's eye and sent him a very pointed stare. When he saw the boy gulp, he knew he had got his message across.

Harry casually studied his wife as she scribbled away at a piece of parchment. She had elected to bring her work to the kitchen as it "got her creative juices flowing". Though, Harry really knew that she was there to snack on the biscuits Tally was famous for. Really, the woman needed to exercise or she would end up getting fat.

Not that he would ever tell her that to her face…

Pushing aside thoughts on how to tactfully get Ginny into a healthier lifestyle without getting his head blown off, Harry focused on the more pressing issue.

* * *

><p>'So, guess who I met today,' he said nonchalantly, stirring his tea.<p>

'Who?' his wife replied absently.

'Professor McGonagall!'

Seeing his wife still, Harry smirked internally.

'Oh?' her voice, while normal to most (including her mother) sounded decidedly high-pitched to Harry. 'That's nice. What did you speak about?'

'Oh, this and that,' Harry said casually as he contemplated the contents of his cup. 'The weather, Quidditch …' he brought the cup to his lips. '…And how our children are faring in class.'

Looking over the rim, his smile was hidden by the teacup as Ginny froze.

'And what did she say?' she asked in a would-be-casual voice.

Harry was about to open his mouth to drop his bombshell, about all those letters that Professor McGonagall had sent regarding the shenanigans his kids were responsible which he was fairly certain Ginny had been hiding from him when a thought came to him.

His wife was not the type to do this … there was something amiss.

'Oh nothing,' he said instead, adopting a tone of glib ignorance that should make him eligible for a career in acting. 'She is just concerned about James' marks in transfiguration. Other than that, the kids seem to be doing quite well in school.'

'Oh, is James failing Transfiguration?' Ginny asked in concern.

'Oh no,' Harry said as he aimed his wand at his wife under the table. 'He's doing fine! You know how McGonagall is about her favourite subject? I don't think it is anything to worry about.'

'Ah,' Ginny said, and then resumed writing. She never felt the silent spell hit her.

Slipping his wand back in his holster, Harry congratulated himself on another well-cast eavesdropping spell.

* * *

><p>Harry sat in his study and looked at the Horntail figurine that was sitting there. Anyone who knew Harry knew that it was the model that he had pulled out all those years ago when he was one of the Champions of the Triwizard Tournament. Therefore, its space on his desk was expected.<p>

However, nobody but Harry knew the true function of the statue.

For this statue was linked to any and all eavesdropping spells he cast. Its inherent magical nature made it an excellent choice as receptacle.

Today was a Wednesday. For the past few months, Ginny used to leave the house for a "girls' night out" on this particular day. Harry had not thought much of that until now. It was always quite curious how Sirius and the twins were always busy on this day.

'Well, now that the store is closed, let's get this weekly meeting underway.' Fred's voice issued out of the dragon's mouth. Time and age had done something that neither twin liked: it had made it possible for them to be told apart. While George had acquired a prosthetic to cover his missing ear, nothing could disguise the slight but distinct change in Fred's voice.

Bizarrely, the twins did not know of the differences. As far as they were concerned, they still looked and sounded alike. For some reason, nobody deigned to tell them that fact.

'Yes, I hear Gin-Gin has a story that she wants to share!' Harry rolled his eyes. It would figure that George would be around where his twin brother was. He sighed softly when he heard the unmistakable sound of his godfather chuckling. It looks like all three of the business partners of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes were present.

'Oh, do shut up.' The magic of the eavesdropping charm modulated the voices in a conversation being eavesdropped. This was why Ginny's voice wasn't any louder than the rest.

Grumbling, the wife of the eavesdropping Head of the Auror Department took out a piece of parchment (this was made evident by the rustling the aforementioned eavesdropping Head of the Auror Department heard) and cleared her throat.

'I just got a letter from Bertie on the newest prank played. Apparently, he, James and Rose managed to, _ahem_, "acquire" a herd of goats from Hogsmeade, and have released them in the school …' she paused for dramatic effect. 'Invisible.'

Harry slowly pinched his nose as sounds of hooting laughter filled the room. That explained why Albert had been so damn shifty when he met the lad. He wondered if McGonagall knew of this yet.

'And here's the best part. No one in the staff knows exactly what it is! They think that the bleating is caused by spells or one of your idiotic products.'

_Well, looks like I have a letter to write_, Harry thought to himself.

'Oh, that's a good one!' Sirius said gasping as he tried to get his laughter under control. 'I wonder how long they will take to get _all _of the goats!'

'All right,' Fred said in a business-like manner. 'So that's casting a complicated spell and using it creatively, and pulling off a sneaky prank that has stayed undetected for –'

'Three days,' Ginny supplied.

'Three days! Wow, that is quite a record. Too bad we don't have that on the board… anyway, so that's –'

'Wait, you forgot "pranking a strict teacher" and "giving Filch something else to worry about".' A new voice interrupted that had Harry gobsmacked. It couldn't be…

'Oh … right …' Fred sounded slightly flustered. 'Well, I guess they technically did get those two… good catch, Hermione! So considering that the ringleader is in third year means…'

Harry didn't hear the rest as he was still trying to process this new information. Hermione was in on this too?! _Hermione_!?

'So, what else is going on in your life, sis, Hubby still in the dark?' Harry ears perked up. It looked like he had missed some of the conversation. Not that it mattered.

'Yeah … I had a bit of a scare today, though, when I found out that he had met Professor McGonagall.'

'What did McGonagall say?' There was a distinct note of panic blooming in Fred's voice.

'Oh, nothing,' Ginny's voice had a clear note of relief in it. 'They were basically just chatting. Harry knows nothing from her.'

'You sure?' George sounded quite sceptical.

'Yup,' Ginny said with surety. 'Harry would have let me know by now if he had found out. I can assure you of that.'

'Harry is pretty straightforward that way,' Hermione interjected. 'He is quite like Ron there.'

'Speaking of which, why aren't we telling Harry?' Harry's eye twitched when he heard Ron's voice come through the figurine's mouth. So, Ron was in on it too… that ginger traitor.

'Because he has become a stick-in-the-mud,' Hermione said primly causing Harry's jaw to drop. 'Fellow takes his Auror duties far too seriously, if you ask me.'

As Harry was mouthing Hermione's words to himself incredulously, Fred started speaking.

'Well, one can't really blame the guy. His time at Hogwarts wasn't exactly stress-free, unlike ours.'

'Yeah,' Ron said with a touch of wistfulness in his voice. 'The three of us really didn't have much time for pranks and stuff.'

Making an indecipherable noise, Harry tapped the figurine with his wand, plunging the room into silence as he thought about what he had heard.

The solution to this … situation that his mind initially came up with involved him Apparating there right now and confronting the lot about this. Not only were they, grown adults all, encouraging their kids to cause mayhem, but they were holding what looked like a betting pool. What was worse (at least in his mind) was that they were doing this behind his back.

Payback was a definite necessity!

Harry seized this thought. To get them back, he would have to do some investigating…

Sitting back, Harry started planning.

* * *

><p>'How long will you take, hon?'<p>

Harry glanced at his empty desk with the pile of neatly stacked completed reports and back at his wife's face in the mirror he was holding. 'Not long,' he said confidently. 'About an hour tops. I just have this one report to do … I should be at the Burrow on time for dinner.'

'Ah well,' Ginny said regretfully. 'Can't you make it sooner? Only, you'll miss the Quidditch game… everyone is already here…'

'Oh damn, even Fred and George?' Harry exclaimed.

'Yeah, they are tearing up the skies. The amount of noise those two are making, you'd think that the kids were already home.' Ginny said with fond exasperation.

'Damn,' Harry trailed off. 'There is no way they have managed to reach The Burrow so early. I guess they have left Sirius behind, then, to manage the store.'

'No kiddo!' Sirius shouted gleefully from behind. Happily plucking the mirror from his wife and ignoring her protestations, he beamed up at Harry. 'Everything got done quickly, and it was a slow day, so we decided to shut shop early. Now quit with the boring crap and get your carcass down here! That report will still be there tomorrow.'

Ginny took that moment to snatch the mirror back. 'Don't listen to him, dear.' She said soothingly. 'You finish your work and come here. We are waiting for you! And don't tarry; mum made all your favourites.'

'Really? Well, I will endeavour to finish up quickly then.' Harry replied with enthusiasm that wasn't faked.

As the mirror showed his own reflection, Harry looked once more to his empty desk. Then he took out his watch that was his seventeenth birthday gift from Sirius. 'One hour should be enough time,' he said to himself.

Getting up, he hurried out of his office, nodding at his secretary.

With long strides, he breezed through to the atrium and the Apparition Point. With a whisper, he disappeared from the Ministry building to reappear at the Leaky Cauldron.

Tapping the entrance to Diagon Alley, he swiftly made his way towards the joke shop. As Sirius had said, it was a slow day. Diagon Alley was almost deserted today.

Nearing the shop, Harry moved to the back. Waving his wand, he cast a detection charm, just in case an employee was still in there. When the results were negative, Harry smiled.

A minute later, he was inside the store. The wards were quite formidable and a decent security measure against your average run-of-the-mill thief, but they were practically nothing to one of Harry's skill.

Five minutes after that, he had found and bypassed the wards around the concealed entrance leading to the cellar. The wards here were of better quality, but still a cakewalk for Harry.

The Head of the Auror department shook his head in disappointment. You'd think that the twins would have asked Bill Weasley to help out with the warding. He was pretty damn good. In fact, Harry had learnt everything he knew from the man.

Thinking of Bill got Harry thinking of Gringotts. He still couldn't believe his good fortune that the three of them were never identified as the ones behind the most audacious break-in of the bank. Any and all witnesses that had seen their faces had either died when they had escaped with the dragon, or had been killed off by Voldemort himself before they could tell anyone else. It amused him to know that the goblins were still looking for the three unidentified perpetrators. They had even approached _him_ for help catching them!

Focussing on the task at hand, Harry weaved between the various experiments and potions in different stages of completeness and focussed on the board at the far end.

Stopping there, he looked over the board. It had a very detailed scoring system. Everything from pranking certain types of teachers to pranking other members of the castle was listed there. Additionally, if the side table had been read right, there was a multiplier applied depending on the year the prankster was in when the prank was pulled, the younger the prankster, the higher the value.

Harry studied the board closely. Some of the incidences had him taking a trip down memory lane to his own days at Hogwarts. Some of the things he had done there was actually on the board!

Looking to his right, he noticed a scoreboard. On the left was a column with the Marauders' name on top, the middle column had the twins' names while the last column had the names of his kids on the top.

Harry studied the board. The only column that had any scores was the kids'. The first two were empty. A glance at another board with odds of each party told Harry that they would be filled at the end to perhaps ensure some suspense on the part of the people betting and the people competing.

Something told Harry that the women would ensure that the kids did not get cheated by Sirius or the twins.

There was even a small sheet comprised of betting odds, as well as the amount of money being placed. Harry's eyes bugged out at the amount. That was really high!

As he idly compared his scores to what he could see so far on the kids' column, Harry came to the conclusion that his children were quite the pranksters. There would be no hope of him competing here as he was already outstripped by the children.

Or was there…

Green eyes flicked back to the first board. As he looked down the list of achievements, his eyes lit upon the second last achievement. Then he saw the points put next to it.

A smile slowly began to materialise on his face.

Oh, he now knew of a way to teach them a lesson.

Giggling maniacally, Harry spent some time working the room. Done, he covered his tracks and Apparated out.

* * *

><p>'OK, I have an announcement to make before we get our meeting underway.' Ron said, distinctly unhappy.<p>

The rest of the room had caught onto his mood for Fred said with uncharacteristic seriousness. 'What's up?'

Ron sighed. 'Well, I was approached by Dennis Creevey. You know, one of the Daily Prophet's investigative journalists? Well, he has somehow found out about our … game.'

'What?' Sirius squawked. 'How did he do that?'

'It doesn't matter how,' a new voice broke out, interrupting the meeting as the man in question stepped into the room. 'All it matters that I know. And I want in.'

Time and life had been quite kind to Dennis Creevey after the tragedy of his brother's death. He had grown from a shy Muggleborn son of a milkman to a confident investigative journalist. He wasn't as good as Skeeter, but he was pretty good. And he did not need to be an unregistered Animagus to be that good.

'And what if we refuse?' George said challengingly.

Dennis sighed. 'Well, then I will have to show your brother-in-law these.'

With dramatic flair, he dropped a stack of pictures on the table and watched as the others scrambled for them.

'How did you get those?' Hermione Granger-Weasley asked fearfully.

'Darling, I am an investigative journalist,' Dennis said confidently. 'I have my sources.' He smiled condescendingly at the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. 'I will have you know that I have quite a few copies of those pictures. Try and do anything to me and those copies will go to Harry Potter. I have done my research, and I know that he will be _very _interested in what his friends and family are up to. Especially when he hears about the amount of money involved.'

'We aren't doing anything illegal,' Hermione said haughtily.

'Oh, I would never, ever accuse you of that!' Dennis replied with mock horror. 'I mean, considering that the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement is involved, I am pretty damn sure that nothing will hold up in court for the Head of the Auror Department to even make an arrest, forget press charges – Not that Harry would do that. But I am pretty sure that you don't want him to find out. After all, you have gone to quite a few lengths to keep this from him…' he trailed off leadingly.

'And imagine what the public will think when they hear of this little bet from the Daily Prophet. I mean, parents encouraging their kids into delinquency and breaking rules? That won't paint you in a positive light…'

'Fine, you made your point,' Sirius said impatiently. 'Now what do you want?'

'Like I said, I want in on this.' Dennis said winningly. 'I have the amount of Galleons needed to enter this bet – I did do my research, after all. Here –' He withdrew a sack of coins and tossed it to George.

'And who do you wish to bet on?' George asked in a would-be civil voice.

'Harry Potter, and by extension, Ron and Hermione,'

The room was silent for a moment before laughter rang out.

Dennis sat through this with a polite smile on his face as he waited for everyone to stop.

'Oh, you're serious?' Fred finally said. 'Well, I am sorry to say that Harry Potter isn't on this list…'

Dennis cut him off mid-sentence. 'So put him in it.'

Fred looked at him for a long moment with a bemused smile on his face. 'Fine,' he finally said. 'It's your money, mate.' With a wave of his wand, he made another column appear on the board with Harry's name written on the top.

'So, how exactly does the scoring work,' Colin asked genially. 'I notice that the columns here are completely bare…'

'Well,' Hermione said before either twin or Sirius could butt in with a sarcastic remark, thereby dragging this out unnecessarily. 'The twins and Sirius have made a list of their top fourteen pranks that they have each kept secret. On the day after Bertie, that is Albert Potter, and my Rosie come home after finishing their seventh year, there will be a grand unveiling where the list of pranks will be revealed. We will use this,' she indicated the exhaustive scoring system, 'as a guide to help tally the points. The group with the most points wins.'

Ginny picked up from where her sister-in-law had left off. 'To ensure that nobody is lying or cheating, each group will submit sufficient proof of the prank being executed.'

'So, how do you plan on getting proof of your man?' Ron said challengingly. 'After all, Harry can't know of this…'

'Oh, you just leave it to me,' Dennis said easily as he got up. 'I have my sources. And don't worry; I will make sure that Harry won't ever find out from me about this.'

* * *

><p>The years passed by, and before Ginny knew it, Albert had finished his seventh year as Head Boy. She couldn't have been more proud. He had got top marks in his O.W.L.s, and, if what she had heard from her sources in the Ministry, in his N.E.W.T.s as well. On top of that, he was selected as a prefect and Head Boy. Something neither she nor her husband had ever managed. Come to think of it, he was the only one of her kids to have either of the positions, forget both! Add in the fact that he was Slytherin Quidditch Captain for two years, and he was quite the all-rounder.<p>

Ginny was also quite surprised (and secretly a bit smug) to note that Hermione's daughter hadn't managed to get selected as prefect or Head Girl. The smugness only came because Hermione had wordlessly made their kids' achievements a contest.

Hermione was a lot like her in that way, Ginny mused. Both women were quite competitive. It was a trait that Fred and George had noticed and exploited shamelessly. After all, otherwise, they wouldn't have agreed to this idiotic bet idea.

Many a time, Ginny had thought of talking Hermione into shutting this down. This thought had been especially strong when the kids had somehow managed to transform the entire transfiguration corridor into a massive indoor beach, crabs included, in Albert's fifth year. James and Rose had been caught and given such an amount of detentions, that it made even Sirius and the twins flinch.

Her darling Bertie, ever the cunning Slytherin, had somehow managed to escape.

Every time Ginny had such thoughts, the smug faces of Fred and George would materialise in her mind along with the words they had used. And something in Ginny lit a fire in her that made her want her kids to wipe that grin off those faces.

She strongly suspected Hermione felt the same way.

Anyway, all that was over now. The castle was still standing, nobody had been injured or expelled and more importantly, Harry knew nothing. They could put this business behind them after today.

She looked around her. Aside from Dennis, everyone was here.

As if summoned, the man chose that moment to appear.

'Good morning, all,' Dennis said cheerily as he strode into the room and took his seat. 'Let's begin!'

The meeting was unlike any other meeting as it was filled with laughter at the various anecdotes Sirius provided of the Marauders exploits, followed by Fred and George's equally impressive pranks.

Once James was finished with the kids' top fourteen pranks (two for each year at Hogwarts) the room turned as one to the lone figure seated at the end.

'Well, that was a spiffing set of pranks, so congratulations all, great effort!' Dennis said as he clapped very softly. 'Now, about my list of pranks that Harry Potter has pulled in Hogwarts…' he fished out a roll of parchment from his robes.

'Maybe I should do that.'

Ginny nearly choked on her saliva as she heard that voice. Sirius (still single, thank you very much) who had taken a sip of butterbeer actually choked, spraying Hermione with the stuff in the process.

Slowly, the collective turned to look at the owner of the new voice.

Sure enough, Harry Potter was standing there, his Invisibility Cloak in one hand, a roll of parchment in the other and a big smug look of satisfaction on his face.

'H-Harry,' Fred said in a would-be casual voice. 'How long have you been here?'

'The whole time,' Harry replied with the smug look still on his face.

'I thought you said you wouldn't tell,' Ron said to Dennis in a harsh whisper that nonetheless carried around the room.

'But I didn't tell him,' Dennis said calmly.

'_I _told _him_,' Harry cut in. Smiling widely at the shocked expressions on everyone's faces, he continued. 'See, I have known of this … enterprise for about four years now.'

Suddenly, a sense of foreboding came over Ginny. If Harry had known all this time, and he had collaborated with Dennis, then there was a deeper game involved here.

Nobody spoke for a good minute. 'So shall I get on with the reading? I do have a bet to win, you know…' Harry said, breaking the silence.

This seemed to give Sirius the needed stimulus to come out of his trance. 'Yeah right,' he snorted. 'While I will admit that this thing with Dennis was a good prank, I doubt you will have done anything to win this bet, kid.'

'Oh, is that so?' Harry said. Ginny didn't think it was possible for her husband's grin to get any wider than it was. 'In that case, _old man_, care to put your money where your mouth is?'

'What are you saying?' Sirius asked with narrowed eyes.

'Well, we already have the winners so far, yes?' Harry turned to Fleur. He knew that the woman had recently found out about the bet. For fun, she had decided to take upon herself the task of totalling the scores. The beautiful woman nodded and said in a voice that had all but lost its French origins. 'The winners, by ten points, are the Marauders.'

At that the people in the room erupted in moans and cheers of celebration as Sirius crowed his triumph.

'Yes, yes,' Harry said cutting off the jubilation, 'Great effort. Now,' he fixed Sirius with a penetrating stare. 'What say we up the ante a bit?' Taking out a massive sack of galleons, he tossed the money onto the table. 'I bet you, double the original bet, that the total of my pranks according to this scoreboard will not only beat your score, but far surpass it.'

'Harry, don't!' Ginny all but moaned, upset at having lost the bet. 'There is no way you could have done enough to win this bet! That is our money you are gambling away.'

'Actually, no, Ginny,' Harry said conversationally. 'You see, this is _my_ money. It came out of my personal account. Just as the money you bet came out of yours. You did say that we should keep separate personal accounts…'

'Ginny is right,' Hermione said as Ron nodded vigorously. 'We know you and there is no way what we did could ever come close to these guys. Face it, we weren't pranksters.'

Harry, on the other hand only turned around to look at Sirius, a challenge in his eyes.

The old rogue licked his lips and then finally, with an equally challenging look in his eyes said, 'Alright.' Calling his house-elf, he wrote a promissory note to the goblins. A few minutes later, he had an equally large sack of galleons sitting next to Harry's.

Harry clapped his hands and rubbed them. 'Good. Now, onto business; Dennis, if you will…?'

The younger man nodded and brought out a Pensieve.

'That is a judicial Pensieve from the Ministry that I have commandeered. Hermione, if you will, please verify that it is what I claim it to be?'

'Misappropriating governmental resources?' George said leadingly. 'I think Hermione might have to write you up to the minister for that…'

Harry snorted. 'As if,' he said dismissively, while Hermione spoke up. 'I won't do that because contrary to popular belief, the Head of the Auror Office is _not_ junior to or a subordinate of the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement or vice-versa. We are both on equal footing as far as position and power goes. So writing up a fellow head of department isn't going to be easy, it will lead to quite a long drawn out process that I cannot be bothered with to see through.'

'Oh yes,' Harry said simply. 'Also, I am her best friend…'

Hermione nodded. 'That too,' she said with a smile at Harry. The two of them then looked at George with a look of polite inquisitiveness.

'Fine, fine,' George grumbled, knowing he was beaten.

'Now that we have that taradiddle out of the way, Hermione has verified the object here. To the uninitiated, this Pensieve is one-of-a-kind as it will ensure that no falsified memories can be put in. Memories that are fabricated are automatically rejected.

'Joining me today will be the lovely Professor McGonagall!'

At his words, a figure shimmered into view to reveal the stern face and figure of the strict headmistress of Hogwarts.

'What is she doing here?!' Albert said, horror-struck.

'Albert!' The reprimand from Ginny was clear.

'Professor McGonagall is here because I invited her. Considering that you turned the school upside down on many an occasion, I think she more than deserves to be here.'

'Yes,' McGonagall said briskly. 'It does give me closure to know just who was behind all those incidents in the school.' She looked at Sirius, the twins and the kids sternly, causing them all to squirm.

'You are quite lucky, gentlemen, that you are out of school. Otherwise…' she took a deep breath, making her nostrils flare and her former students to positively shrink away from her.

'You should thank Professor McGonagall,' Harry said conversationally to the kids. 'If I hadn't told her, she would have expelled all of you for that little stunt you pulled the last year.' He gave them a look that mirrored his former teacher's in sternness.

Harry cleared his throat as the headmistress primly placed herself between Ginny and Hermione and as close as possible to James and Albert to maximise their discomfort. 'Now,' he adjusted his glasses as he unravelled the parchment. 'For the first prank that I would like judged. This happened in sixth-year, by the way; I successfully got two teachers completely pissed on one bottle of wine without them knowing it.'

Taking a phial of memory out, he poured it into the Pensieve.

One by one, everyone immersed themselves into the memory of Harry silently applying a refilling charm to Slughorn's many bottles of wine unknown to both the Potions and Care of Magical Creatures professors as they happily drank their way into oblivion. A few minutes later, they were back in their seats chuckling.

'Hagrid?' Sirius said derisively. 'Really?'

'Hey, he was a professor at the time,' Harry protested with raised hands. 'Besides, the man literally has the constitution of a giant! And Slughorn really isn't a pushover either. Man's as wily as they come. The best part was that he didn't remember anything the next day!'

'And one hell of an opportunistic bastard … Fine, it passes,' Sirius finally said sourly. 'Not that it will matter,' he muttered under his breath as Fleur wrote down the score.

Harry removed that memory and took out another phial. 'My next prank involves me fooling two of my best friends, also in sixth year.' Saying this, he dumped another memory into the Pensieve, looking at Hermione and Ron with a big smile all the time.

'Oh man, no,' Ron said with a groan as both he and Hermione blushed.

'I had forgotten about that,' Hermione said with a squeak as she hid her face in her hands. She gave a pitiable look at Harry. 'Please, Harry, you can't show that!'

'But I can, and I am already doing it.' Harry said with an evil laugh. 'Besides, I am sure the kids would love to see this!'

At this, the children perked up. Before Hermione could say anything, they were all diving into the Pensieve.

Resigned, the couple followed suit and joined the rest in reliving Harry's first Quidditch match as captain of the Gryffindor house team where he had fooled both Hermione and Ron into thinking that he had drugged Ron with Felix Felicis.

'Oh, that was _priceless_,' Fred said, practically crying with laughter after the memory was over. 'I can't believe that you tricked Ron into thinking that he had drunk something like that! And look at how he played! We should have tried that the previous year!'

'Not that it was hard,' George said, chortling. 'Ronniekins was always a bit of a dimwit. But you fooled _Hermione_! Now that's brilliant.'

'Oh, ha, ha,' Ron said sourly. Suffice to say, he and Hermione were the only people _not_ happy with the memory.

'Well, is that all?' Sirius asked challengingly to Harry who was busy replacing the memory.

'Of course not,' Harry replied haughtily. Turning back to the list, he cleared his throat.

'Well, that's that for sixth year. For fifth year, I would like to count heading Dumbledore's Army and giving Rita Skeeter that interview as two separate pranks on Dolores Umbridge and Fudge's administration. I don't think I need to give memories for that, as there are enough witnesses for the first and a copy of the Quibbler for the second for proof.'

Fleur took a moment to think about it. 'Fair enough,' she finally said. 'I will allow it.' Saying so, she lowered her magnificent head to jot down the points.

'Whoa, how is that allowed?' Fred protested. 'Those weren't exactly pranks, and the ministry isn't part of Hogwarts!'

'Hey, Umbridge was a teacher, at least in name, at the time.' Harry argued. 'Besides, then it means that none of your pranks in my fifth year can be counted. And that is including that little exeunt of yours from the school. Besides, while Dumbledore's Army wasn't originally my idea, it was Hermione's and as I recall, I did the heavy lifting. Also, Dennis did put in a bet on me, and by extension, Ron and Hermione.'

Seeing no more objections, Harry continued. 'Now, fourth year was a bit of a lean spell, mainly because I had the Triwizard Tournament occupying my time. So, we move onto third year where I snuck off to Hogsmeade despite not having permission. That counts as a prank, I believe …' he looked at the board. 'Yup, not many points though. Anyway, in one of my many unauthorised excursions, I played a lovely prank on Malfoy where I made him, Crabbe, and Goyle think I was one of the maleficent spiritual inhabitants of the Shrieking Shack. And wait, it gets better! While I was caught by Snape later on, he didn't have enough to pin anything on me, because of which, I got off scot free!'

Saying so, he poured in the relevant memory.

'Pretty neat, dad,' James said approvingly. 'Mr Malfoy looks a lot like his son. Though, Scorpius isn't as much of a git, is he, Bertie?'

'Nah,' Albert said easily. 'He's a quiet chap. Sticks to himself most of the times. I wouldn't say we are friends, but we don't hate each other's guts.'

Sirius peeked into the piece of parchment that Fleur was using to total the points. 'I hope you got something better, kid, because you aren't anywhere close to what any one of us have done here.'

'Well,' Harry said with a bland smile. 'There was another thing I did that I would like to count as a prank on Snape and by extension the Ministry. That would be helping Sirius escape from the Ministry's clutches yet again!'

'I always wondered how you did that, Harry.' Professor McGonagall spoke up, startling Sirius and the twins. They had all but forgotten about her presence as the witch was content to stay quiet.

Minerva did enjoy the memories Harry had put in. While she disapproved of the recklessness of his sneaking out of Hogwarts at such a dangerous time in his third year (never mind that Sirius was actually innocent) she did have to admit that he did pull off some quite entertaining tricks. The best part was that they weren't the school-wide extravaganzas that forced intervention by the staff.

'And you shall find out now, Professor,' Harry said while putting the right memory inside.

Minerva couldn't help but chuckle as she saw the expression on Severus' face or his reaction when he found out that Sirius had escaped. The man may have been on the light's side in the end, but he was a right unpleasant creature nonetheless. History, it seemed, agreed with her, along with everyone in this room.

'Looks like Severus was quite right about your involvement, Harry.' She commented lightly after the memory ended.

'Yes, he was,' Harry replied equally lightly, 'that git.'

Minerva snorted. 'He had quite a temper tantrum that night. I could hear him hurling his various specimen jars at the walls of his office.'

Sirius barked out a laugh. 'Serves him right,' he said gleefully. 'Bastard actually wanted to serve me up to the dementors!'

'Now, we have second year!' Harry said enthusiastically. 'Four of the five of my most favourite pranks were pulled off here.

'The first one is our, that is Ron's and mine, grand entrance to the Welcoming Feast.' Harry said as he poured a memory in. 'And how, through some nifty fast-talking, we got out of having points taken from Gryffindor.'

Without further ado, he dived into the memory followed by the rest.

'Whoa, dad, that was pretty cool!' James was the first to speak after the memory ended. 'Wish I had thought of that…'

'Be lucky you hadn't,' Ginny said with narrowed eyes. 'Because then you wouldn't be sitting down properly for the next week.'

'Just joking, just joking,' James hastily replied.

Harry snorted softly as he took the memory out. 'Now these next two incidences are connected. The first incident is in Double Potions. I think it happened in December, if I'm not mistaken. We were making Swelling Solution at the time.' Harry paused for effect as Ron and Hermione brightened up. 'That was when I threw a firework into Goyle's cauldron.'

Fred, George, Ginny and Dennis all had their mouths hanging open. 'That was …' Ginny began disbelievingly. 'Wasn't that…?'

'…In Snape's class?' Dennis continued in an awed whisper.

'I have to see this memory!' Fred and Sirius both said frenetically as they approached the Pensieve.

Five minutes later, everyone was practically crying with laughter. Sirius was on the floor, rolling, as tears flowed down his face.

'Harry, you guys really had balls!' Fred said, wiping his own tears of mirth away. 'George and I would never have _dreamed_ of doing something like that, much less in second year!'

'Why didn't you tell me this earlier?' Ginny said half accusatorily and half mirthfully. 'That was brilliant.'

'Yeah,' said Harry, amused to see even McGonagall had a smile that she was failing in hiding. 'It was the perfect distraction for Hermione to nick some shredded boomslang skin and bicorn horn from Snape's private stores.'

Everyone stopped laughing at his words. One by one, they all looked at Hermione.

'Mum?!' Rose Weasley said in a scandalised voice.

'Oh, thanks a lot, Potter,' Hermione said sourly. Looking at the collective she sighed. 'Times then were … uncertain. I am sure you have read about the incident involving the Chamber of Secrets? Well, what many don't know is that we, as in Harry, Ron and I, were investigating the identity of the heir. One of our suspects was Draco Malfoy. Naturally, we had decided to get him to confess. Now, we were smart enough to know that he wouldn't tell us anything, given that we were bitter enemies at the time. So, I had the idea to impersonate some of his friends and then get a confession out of him.'

'I see,' Professor McGonagall said slowly. 'So … oh dear Merlin,' She pinched her nose as she connected the dots. 'Please tell me you didn't do what I think you did.'

'If you mean did we brew the Polyjuice Potion unsupervised, then I am sorry to say, we did.' Hermione said sheepishly.

'Wow, mum,' Rose said in awe while McGonagall shook her head resignedly. 'I knew you're good, but _that_ good?'

'Do you realise how dangerous what you did was?' Professor McGonagall said sharply.

'Like I said, we were twelve. Well, I was thirteen, but yeah, we were three second years!' Hermione said winningly. 'Besides, the potion may be restricted, but making and imbibing it isn't illegal. The lawmakers at the time were of the correct opinion that it was too hard and difficult to brew and the ingredients too uncommon to make the potion illegal to make.'

'And Hermione didn't make one mistake in brewing it!' Ron said confidently. 'Well, except perhaps in the last step…' he trailed off delicately.

Professor McGonagall narrowed her eyes in thought, and then widened them as it hit her. 'Ah, it was cat hair wasn't it? You put in cat hair by mistake.' seeing Hermione nod, she continued. 'Well, that's one mystery solved. Poppy was so sure that you had suffered a Polyjuice Potion related accident, but both she and I were confident that there was no way you could brew that in second year! How did you get your hands on the instructions, anyway? There is no way Severus would have given you the details of his own free will…'

Harry snorted. 'Why from the restricted section of course! The book was _Moste Potente Potions_, if I am not mistaken.'

'I shudder to ask this, but how did you get your little hands on that?'

'Lockhart.' Harry said simply. 'We got him to sign a permission slip. It wasn't hard, really. The man was capable of signing _anything_ if it stood still for long enough…'

Professor McGonagall closed her eyes. 'Great, just great,' she said sarcastically. Looking at the twins, she narrowed her eyes. 'Let me guess; you reprobates came up with the same scheme, didn't you?'

'Well, I would dearly like to say "no" …' Fred started off in a regretful tone.

'But the truth is a big fat "yes"!' George concluded in a tone that was a polar opposite of his brother's.

'To be fair, a two year old would have thought of that,' Harry said bracingly. 'So it isn't much of a brilliant idea.'

'Fair enough,' Professor McGonagall said with the air of a person who has given up on the topic. 'Shall we move on to the next prank?'

'Sure!' Harry said magnanimously. 'The next prank involves the usage of the potion.' Smiling, he poured in the memory.

'Why am I not surprised?' Professor McGonagall muttered as she went to the Pensieve.

'Quite an elaborate scheme you guys implemented to get into the Slytherin common room,' Sirius said in an impressed tone as the kids all looked at their parents with awe. While that achievement wasn't as hard to carry out because Albert was in Slytherin, they still could appreciate the difficulty in getting into another house's common room without knowing someone from that house at the least. Besides, they all had been given the task of making the potion in Seventh year. Except for Albert, none of them had come close to properly finishing it.

'And now, the final prank of my second year,' Harry said as he poured another memory out. 'I played quite a neat trick on Lucius Malfoy after I rescued Ginny.'

He then entertained his audience with the memory of Dobby being freed and Lucius' face when he realised his blunder. Harry smiled sadly as he remembered the little House-Elf that would one day actually give his life to protect him.

'Wow, a prank on a school governor!' Fred said impressively. 'I don't think anyone of us have thought of doing that!'

'So, what did you do in your first year?' George asked expectantly.

'Ah yes,' said Harry. He cleared his throat. 'Well, there was that one time we successfully smuggled a dragon out of the castle –'

'Wait, you mean that ridiculous story about the dragon was _true_?' Professor McGonagall said sharply.

'I am surprised you remember that, Minerva.' Harry said with a smile. 'Hagrid had managed to get his hands on an egg of a Norwegian Ridgeback. He hatched it in his hut too. We got to see that … he even named the dragon.'

'Well, it looks like Hagrid managed to achieve his dearest ambition,' Sirius said with a snort. 'What did he call it? Knowing him, it was probably something inane like "Derek" or something.'

'He called it Norbert. Though Norbert was a female dragon.' Ron replied dryly, causing Sirius to snort again.

'Well, Harry,' Fred began. 'Unfortunately, we cannot allow this prank to be counted as you lot did get caught afterword. While the points you lost for Gryffindor were quite impressive, according to the rules of the bet, it cannot be allowed.'

'But we weren't caught for the prank.' Harry protested. 'We were only caught for being out of bounds and having spun a "cock-and-bull tale". Besides, Neville was the one who split. Hermione and I kept mum about it.'

All eyes turned to Fleur who took some time to deliberate it before saying. 'I am afraid I must side with Fred.' She said apologetically.

'Damn. Ah well,' Harry said. 'What is my score so far?'

'Well,' Fleur began. After considering the categories each prank falls in and factoring the multiplier based on year, you, Harry, get a score of … thirteen thousand eight hundred and fifty two. This is roughly fifty thousand _behind_ your nearest competitor, the Weasley Twins.'

'Oooh, burn!' the twins chorused long having got over the sting of coming in last in the competition.

'And you are more than a hundred thousand points behind the winner.' Fleur continued apologetically.

Harry, inexplicably, smiled. 'Well, that's _so far_.' He said mysteriously. 'I still have one more prank…'

Sirius snorted, sure in his victory. 'I doubt it would make much of a difference, kid. You are _way_ behind.'

'If you don't mind,' Harry replied testily. Seeing that everyone had subsided, he popped open one more phial.

'Now, over the course of this … meeting, we have heard tales of many pranks. Some good and some that were just OK. Out of them, I am sure that each group has done that one thing that they consider their magnum opus. For example, the twins have their spectacular swamp prank that they did before leaving Hogwarts in true style.' He paused to nod at the two, who very melodramatically acknowledged it.

'Now, some might say that my magnum opus is the car incident of my second year. I beg to disagree. You see, there is a reason why I never pulled off many pranks in my years at Hogwarts.'

'Aside from you being an uptight, angst-ridden git?' Fred called out.

'Yes, aside from that.' Harry said smoothly. 'See, the reason is that I never could find something to top this prank that I pulled off in my first year. As to what this is … well, why tell you when it would be so much more brilliant if you saw it for yourself?'

Intrigued, Fred and George followed the rest into the memory.

At once, they found themselves in the middle of a darkened corridor of Hogwarts. At the top of a flight of stairs was the unmistakable form of Mrs Norris.

'Oh, let's kick her just this once,' a disembodied voice whispered.

At once, Fred and George turned to look at Ron followed by the rest. While the voice was quite young and high pitched, it was apparent to everyone whom it belonged to.

'Ron, Hermione and I were under the invisibility cloak,' Harry said conversationally. 'As I said before, it was our first year and we were on the way to the forbidden third floor corridor.'

Just then, the group saw Peeves in the memory, bobbing halfway up another flight of stairs and loosening the carpet no doubt to cause unsuspecting people to trip.

'Who's there?' the poltergeist said suddenly. He narrowed his wicked black eyes. 'Know you're there, even if I can't see you. Are you ghoulie or ghostie or wee student beastie?'

He rose up in the air and floated there, squinting at what seemed like thin air.

'Should call Filch, I should, if something's a-creeping around unseen.'

Just then, another disembodied voice sounded out in a hoarse whisper.

'Peeves, the Bloody Baron has his own reasons for being invisible.'

Peeves almost fell out of the air in shock. He caught himself in time and hovered about a foot off the stairs.

'So sorry, your bloodiness, Mr Baron, sir,' he said greasily. 'My mistake, my mistake — I didn't see you — of course I didn't, you're invisible — forgive old Peevsie his little joke, sir.'

'I have business here, Peeves,' the disembodied voice croaked. 'Stay away from this place tonight.'

'I will, sir, I most certainly will,' said Peeves, rising up in the air again. 'Hope your business goes well, Baron, I'll not bother you.'

And he scooted off.

'Brilliant, Harry!' whispered twelve year old Ron in the memory, leaving no doubt to everyone watching the memory that it was the then eleven year old Harry Potter who had said that.

The memory ended there, bringing everyone to the present.

'I had completely forgotten about that incident!' Ron said wonderingly. 'I agree with my twelve year old self. That was brilliant, Harry!'

'Oh yes,' Hermione said with a nostalgic look on her face.

'Thanks, guys.' Harry said with a small smile of his own.

As he turned to look at everyone, his smile turned predatory.

'Now, that we have all seen this memory, I present to you, those who haven't got it, my magnum opus: The prank that I played on Peeves, Hogwarts' resident Poltergeist. I did not cast any spells on him either.'

He walked up to the board displaying the scoring system. 'And so, at the bottom we have this one small category. Fleur, could you be a dear and read it out loud for everybody's benefit?'

'Very well,' Fleur said with clear amusement writ on her face. 'The category reads "Pulling off a successful prank on Peeves the Poltergeist without casting spells on him."'

'Would you agree that I have just shown a memory of a successful prank on Peeves satisfying all criteria?' Harry said conversationally.

'Yes, Harry, you have.' Fleur replied.

'Good.' Harry looked at the rest of the room in smug satisfaction. With the exception of McGonagall and Dennis, who knew beforehand what he had planned, all of Harry's friends and family were sporting looks of dumbfounded disbelief.

'So how many points does that give me?'

Fleur's voice was trembling with mirth, 'One billion, three hundred and twenty-two million, five hundred and sixty-five thousand eight hundred and fifty three points. That,' she quickly wrote down the figure.

'That,' Harry continued as Fleur calculated the result, 'Multiplied by seven, as it was carried out in my first year gives me a grand total of nine billion two hundred fifty-seven million nine hundred sixty thousand nine hundred seventy-one points for that prank alone.' Having done the maths a long time back, Harry knew the figure by heart.

'And that makes Harry's grand total nine billion two hundred fifty-seven million nine hundred seventy-four thousand eight hundred twenty-three' Fleur finally pronounced.

'And that, rounded off, is 9.3 _Billion,_' Harry crowed, 'with a "B"!'

Fred meanwhile was in shock.

'We put that up as a joke,' he said to himself in a daze. 'Nobody has managed that! We thought it was impossible!'

'Ha!' Harry said, clearly having heard Fred. 'Well, I have. And I have blown Sirius out of the water in the process too!' cackling gleefully, he picked up the three bags of galleons. 'So this is all _mine_!'

He turned to his friends and family. 'You traitors,' he said without much heat. 'Especially the two of you: Hermione and Ron. I can't believe that you thought I was a stuck up stick-in-the-mud!'

Seeing them start, he smiled. 'Oh yeah, I know all about that too! What, you thought you could get one over me? I'm an Auror, dammit! It's my job to find things out. I knew for the past five years. At first I thought of confronting you, but then I thought, "What better way to get back at you lot than by pulling off a big prank?" and here we are.'

Harry spared Hermione a long disgusted look. 'And calling me a stick-in-the-mud is a bit rich coming from you, Hermione. After all, who yelled at Ron and me quote "I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed — or worse, expelled." End quote?'

'Say what?' Rose, clearly having heard everything said as she came over to look at her mother.

With an enigmatic smile at Rose, Harry moved off.

'Well, people,' He said as he held the bags up. 'Minerva, Dennis and I are going out. We have money to burn! Don't wait up, hon!' with that, the three disappeared out of the room.

* * *

><p>'Nobody has managed to prank Peeves before,' Fred said still in shock, sounding like a broken record.<p>

'Damn, that scheme really bit us in the arse, didn't it, Sirius?' George said as he hit his twin upside the head to bring him out of his funk.

'I'm sorry, what?' Ginny said pleasantly.

George froze suddenly, a momentary look of guilt on his face.

Ginny, who was watching her brother like a hawk noticed this.

'George, what did you say?' she said sweetly, her eyes glinting dangerously.

'N-nothing…'

'No, no, no,' Ginny said in that still sweet tone. 'You said something. Something about a "scheme"?' her eyes narrowed. 'You lot weren't planning on using this to take money from us, now were you?'

Hermione, who was looking at Sirius all this time gasped when she saw the look on the man's face. 'You were!' she said in dawning comprehension. 'It makes sense now. The three of you not only wanted to ensure that the kids use your stuff, but you also planned on winning that bet money as well! There was a one in three chance of you losing the bet considering the odds. At least until Harry came in.' As she swelled in indignation, her hair seemed to crackle with electricity.

'Now, ladies …' Sirius said in a placating manner as he Fred and George found themselves facing off against two _very_ angry witches. An alarmed Ron ushered the kids out as he and a very amused Fleur followed suit. The last he saw of his brothers and his brother-in-law's godfather as he Apparated away, Ginny and Hermione were closing on them like a pair of angry lionesses.

* * *

><p>Verity the shop floor manager closed the door behind the shop and hurried towards the counter. She had a niggling feeling that she had left something pending ever since she had left for home. Quickly, she checked everything. Nothing was wrong.<p>

She heaved a sigh of relief. Packing everything up, she made to leave the premises when she heard a large amount of noise.

Putting a hand on her heart, she sighed in relief before quickly making her way to the front door. When one worked in Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, one had to be prepared for loud noises and yelling. It meant that the bosses were busy experimenting.

Nonetheless, it took some getting used to, as those sounds would suddenly creep up on you.

* * *

><p>'Man, she is a beaut!'<p>

Harry took a deep swig of his drink and set the glass down. Turning to the barman, he signalled for another then turned to Dennis who was goggling at his newest acquisition.

'I know, right!' he said enthusiastically as he picked up the brand new broom.

The Firebolt Ultimate was insanely fast and just about as expensive. Few could afford it, and fewer still could ride it.

'Yeah,' he said lazily. 'What makes this even sweeter is that I didn't have to pay for it.'

'And you still have some change remaining.' Dennis narrowed his eyes. 'You didn't ask for a discount or something?'

'Nope, they gave me a discount.' Harry took his next drink from the waiter with a smile and sipped at it. 'Never thought I'd say this, but I am actually happy to be a celebrity now.'

'I think I will forever remember the look on their faces,' Professor McGonagall said fondly as she took the bag. 'Ah, it makes the headache worthwhile. Of course, the Galleons do help a bit…' saying so, she jingled the small bag containing her cut that was sitting next to her. '… As does the fact that I am soon going to have Harry Potter teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts in the coming academic year.'

'I live to serve,' Harry said magnanimously. 'Besides, I've had enough of excitement being Head Auror. Now that the kids have all left school … well, besides Lily, but then again, I am sure she will survive a year of her dad being her teacher.'

The three fell into companionable silence as they sipped their drinks, idly examining the surroundings.

The Slug and Lettuce was a very welcome replacement to the Hogs Head. Memories of what the old establishment looked like and the cranky barman were quickly fading from the public consciousness. The building had long been upgraded and refurbished so that it looked nothing like its predecessor.

'You know,' Harry suddenly said. 'By all rights, I shouldn't have won that bet. Had Fred and George been smarter, I wouldn't have had a chance in winning.'

Dennis snorted. 'Yeah, they shouldn't have put such a ridiculous amount of points next to pranking Peeves. Just because they didn't do it, does not mean that it is impossible.'

'No, not that,' Harry replied as he lazily looked over at Dennis. 'See, the thing is, that they did not realise that they were quite close to getting more than 14 billion in points.'

'How so?' Professor McGonagall said curiously.

'Well, you remember my first year?'

'Who could forget that?'

'Remember any specific details of old Professor Quirrell?'

'I know that he was working for Voldemort in the end.' Professor McGonagall frowned. 'What has that to do with anything?'

Harry's eyes lit up. 'Well, you don't know this then. See, when I confronted Quirrell as he was about to steal the stone, I saw something that was quite revolting. You see, Voldemort had possessed Quirrell.'

'Was he?' Professor McGonagall said with raised eyebrows.

'Oh yes. But that's not the fun fact. See, a side effect of the possession was that Voldemort's face ended up sticking out of the back of Quirrell's head.'

McGonagall was silent as she processed that detail. 'So that's why he had started wearing that ridiculous turban ever since the year had started? I thought it odd that he wasn't wearing one in the staff meeting in the June of that year…'

'Yes, well, I don't know if you remember this, but that winter, Fred and George had bewitched snowballs to follow Quirrell and bounce off the back of his head.'

'I remember that,' the old witch said nodding. 'I gave them quite a nice talking-to …'

She paused as she parsed through what Harry was saying '…and detention.' She continued absently. A smile slowly grew on her face.

'They didn't…'

'Oh yeah,' Harry said mirthfully. 'I just figured that bit out, actually. But yeah, they were basically hitting Voldemort in the face with snowballs!'

Dennis sprayed the contents of his drink and looked at Harry in astonishment.

'Really?' he said over McGonagall's helpless fits of laughter.

Harry only gave a nod of confirmation.

Dennis snorted. 'And they don't know?'

'Of course not,' Harry said, waving his hand. 'If they had, they would have claimed the last category of their idiotic scoring system and the 14 Billion points that accompanied it! Multiplied by three of course, as they were in third year.'

'That's priceless!' Dennis gasped as he started laughing heartily. He was soon joined by Harry.

The patrons of The Slug and Lettuce all glanced at the madly laughing trio before shrugging and continuing with their lives.


End file.
